Wednesday, July 27, 2005

in between

Today I am fascinated by what is in between...the unfilled spaces. The gauzy moments between sleep and wakefulness, the words between the beginning and the end of a poem, the dawn between night and day, the deep blue sky between the stars, the seconds between the eyes meeting and the kiss - these spaces that connect what "matters."

Quite unnoticed, they often slip through our consciousness, leaving no footprints or memories. And yet if we pause, observe and remember, it is these spaces that might change the course of things. We are great at celebrating beginnings and memorializing ending, birth and death, but pay no notice to those things in the middle.

How we planned and prepared for the wedding, the beginning of our life together...being sure to attend to every detail...white or ivory?... roses or irises?, attendants, guests, menus, readings and vows. We created a perfect beginning. And then married life began, year passed, and the details became insignificant, blurring together in a flurry of daily activities, jobs, homework, finances and bath time. The goal became getting through the day with as few obstacles as possible. We skipped the details - the moments of gratitude, the whispers of love, the touches of support. And in the end, which will be filled with details of who did what and who didn't do what and who gets this and that, it turns out that it was the in between that mattered most.

I have made a new beginning, and find myself at the space in between. Alone with myself, I will enjoy this misty space and will attend to the details of each day. I will buy myself orange gerber daisies , and will smile at my own face in the mirror. I will be grateful for rainy days and for sunshine, for kind and unexpected words from strangers, for a body that does what I tell it to do. I will remember to send cards for no reason, and to write for the sake of seeing the words on the paper. I will savor the scent of the cut grass, despite the noise of the mowers.

And when the end comes, I will know that it was the beautiful in between that made all the difference.


Anonymous said...

Yo..that was beautiful. Thanks for that. I needed to hear that. It was a nice compliment to what I heard today. They said to be grateful for what you have and if you are not sure where you are going and you are confused then it could be God's Grace in your life. Confusion could be there to keep you from getting to far off of God's course.

LionessPaw said...

Do you have any idea what an inspiration you are? Your feelings given life here... they reach out and another goes Ah Ha!! I feel such a priviledge to peek into all your musings ... I am sure you realize how important your writing is to you... what you cannot estimate is the impact you have on unseen readers...
Much thanks and love extended