Wednesday, March 28, 2007

not just another day

Today I want to write about the regular stuff...Bush's address at the nation...having a shoe crisis...just the normal things that happen in life. I'm pretty tired of all the monumental moments...and lately, I've had plenty.

First the shoe's spring, and ususally I'm very excited to pull out all of my sandals and try them out again. This year, none seem to do. Even more discouraging, I went shopping and could only find one pair of shoes I liked. Perhaps the problem is really my toes, which haven't seen a pedicure in months. Is this life is South Dakota, where toes are covered for months at a time, and feet become tender from being wrapped in socks and shoes all winter long? I think not. I think that I was so very comfortable with my old pedicure woman, and now I can't seem to find one that I like that doesn't cost a foot and an ankle. Additionally, I'm having a pants crisis. This maternity thing has left me with only a few pair of regular pants that work. So I bought a few pairs of (dare I say) maternity jeans. They just don't work with the shoes I own. The only pair that feels right is my cowboy boots - not very spring-like. As if I need another question to ponder - what's a girl to do without her best shopping buddy. My sis is too far away to do a day at the mall. She always knows what works for me, even when I don't. And she knows when to stop for a rest, a glass of wine and Chinese food. She can never be replaced, and so I am left without sandals this spring. I am also left with ugly maternity pants. And if I'm not careful, I may live in sweats for the next five months.

Then there's today's news. For some strange reason, I listened to CNN today while I worked. I think I heard his coy and senseless cowboy comments 20 or more times. And all I can think can this guy not get it. But it's obvious he never will.
Worth mentioning...Our wedding plans were changed a bit with news of the baby...and so last Friday night, at a beautiful park at sunset, Steve and I exchanged wedding vows. Funny how it seemed so perfect after all the planning for the "other" wedding. When we first got engaged, we thought about getting married in the spring, at Palisades, in our jeans, with only a few people there. And what do you know...that's exactly what happened. Some things are just right.
Okay, so it was a monumental moment...but a beautiful one.

Monday, March 05, 2007

tiny little heartbeat

Went to see the doctor today and heard a tiny precious beating heart from deep inside my tummy. Amazing really. And hard still to believe that I was chosen by some tiny little being somewhere to be its mother. The doctor says all is well, but I already know that.

I'm finally feeling better - the waves of exhaustion and nausea have passed. And now I wait and prepare. Since all of this is so new to me, I'm not sure how, but am following my instincts and know this serves me best of all.

Today is really a turning point, the entire thing goes from perhaps to in fact. And I have so many thoughts about just how I want to be as a mother. The things I want to teach are so different than what I might have thought 20 years ago. And this wisdom I think will serve us all. I want to teach her to make time to be still and listen to the wind. To see the magic in the unfolding of each day. To believe that miracles happen every single day, and that thoughts have power and energy. I want to teach her to laugh at the world and herself and at me and her dad, and that the earth is filled with exciting mysteries. I want to teach gratitude for simple things.

I do know, though, that she comes with her own set of lessons to learn, and that she may have an agenda for her time here that I can't understand. Allowing her to be perfectly who she is will be a priority to me.

And I believe that each tiny spark of life, each soul begins the journey filled with joy. I never want to take that from her. That she can find joy and share it is my wish for her.

I think it will be a she...but haven't found out for sure. That will happen in a month. In the meantime, I will talk to her and sing to her and send her love from my heart to hers.

I am overwhelmed by the sense of responsibility, and yet, it all seems just right somehow.