Monday, March 05, 2007

tiny little heartbeat

Went to see the doctor today and heard a tiny precious beating heart from deep inside my tummy. Amazing really. And hard still to believe that I was chosen by some tiny little being somewhere to be its mother. The doctor says all is well, but I already know that.

I'm finally feeling better - the waves of exhaustion and nausea have passed. And now I wait and prepare. Since all of this is so new to me, I'm not sure how, but am following my instincts and know this serves me best of all.

Today is really a turning point, the entire thing goes from perhaps to in fact. And I have so many thoughts about just how I want to be as a mother. The things I want to teach are so different than what I might have thought 20 years ago. And this wisdom I think will serve us all. I want to teach her to make time to be still and listen to the wind. To see the magic in the unfolding of each day. To believe that miracles happen every single day, and that thoughts have power and energy. I want to teach her to laugh at the world and herself and at me and her dad, and that the earth is filled with exciting mysteries. I want to teach gratitude for simple things.

I do know, though, that she comes with her own set of lessons to learn, and that she may have an agenda for her time here that I can't understand. Allowing her to be perfectly who she is will be a priority to me.

And I believe that each tiny spark of life, each soul begins the journey filled with joy. I never want to take that from her. That she can find joy and share it is my wish for her.

I think it will be a she...but haven't found out for sure. That will happen in a month. In the meantime, I will talk to her and sing to her and send her love from my heart to hers.

I am overwhelmed by the sense of responsibility, and yet, it all seems just right somehow.


LionSpeaks said...

The love just resounds so deeply... I am moved and my eyes blur with your maternal beauty Melissa! What a miracle to be *with child*...

Little Spark, fallen from my heart
Into this womb you grow
With each teeny beat you kick those feet
Making a journey of your own
That travels to my bursting core
With lovesong just for you
And when the day of holding comes
I'll never let go... nor you!

LionSpeaks said...

Love Lion~*BabyLovePaw

forgot to sign my poem to you both... not much.. just a little ditty I just jotted out of pure joy for your bond!

GEWELS said...

You are going to be the best mother. I had my boys when I was 20 and 21. I would be such a different mother now. I sometimes wish I would still have the opportunity- but, alas, as you know I may be a grandmother sometime soon. (my daughter-in-law lost this baby-BTW).
We learn so much about ourselves and the world as we grow older. Such a benefit to have that wisdom when raising our own children.
She (or he, you never know) will be blessed with wonderful parents who, I can see, will also be her truest friends.

Lionspeaks- lovely poem, btw.

GEWELS said...

Wow- Congrats on the wedding. Wow, that is actually probably a stress reliever. No worries about how you're going to fit everyone on the lawn, or the dress or flower colors.
You must tell us all about it! Hope it was every bit as beautiful as you imagined.
Keep us posted on your progress. Glad to hear everything is going well with the baby.
Any honeymoon plans? wink-wink

Post some photos. we want to see the bride.