Tuesday, August 21, 2007

tuesday morning

My unborn child is perfectly comfortable lounging on my bladder which is, according to the doctor pancake thin. Gotta love it. Yesterday's office visit was again uneventful. I think I'm supposed to be happy about this. How could one be disappointed when the doctor says that the baby is doing well and is right on schedule. And look at those little ankles...no swelling. You're doing great. I can only be happy - there have been no complications or major problems. Life is good. And yet somewhere in my heart there is a longing to be done with the pregnancy and onto the next phase of this life's journey. Keeping peaceful and trying to stay in the moment is helping. I am trying to treasure each little kick and squirm, knowing that most likely, this will be the only time in my life I am able to feel this...life growing inside of my own body.

On the other hand, I am a bit antsy about my sister's wedding in Ohio scheduled for October 6. The closer it gets, the more afraid I become about not being able to make the trip. At this point, I still anticipate the travel will be okay. But am somewhat concerned about alterations on the dress. My sister Mora threw a little curve ball announcing her own pregnancy, leaving the slew of bridesmaids playing musical dresses. Who will wear the size six she ordered is yet to be determined. My dress is on its way here, but can't be altered until after the baby is born. I suppose all will work out as it should...

The 17 hour ride in the car to Ohio post-baby may be a bit daunting, but I'm willing as long as this child makes a move pretty soon.

A special note to anonymous: Who are you and why are you concerned with my spiritual growth and beliefs? Be assured that my soul is not in peril, despite what you believe. I'm more concerned with your need to lead me down your path to God...We all must find our way through this life and our own spiritual connection. Mine's working for me. If I knew just who you were (a voice from the past?) I may be better able to address you. For now, be consoled. I'm good with the source, and the source is good with me.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

August 14

Update: There were absolutely no notable events that I am aware of that happened on August 10th. I have stopped thinking about what the message meant as there seems to be no answer.

My trip to the doctor was unremarkable. He said all is well with his usual smile and that the baby is growing and thriving. He continues to think I should eat more often. I do what I can. I suppose my little man is happy where he is. And who wouldn't be, right. Cozy and warm he is kept out of harms way and treated to ice cream and hot fudge at night. He cuddles up and rests when he wants, sleeps when he wants, and he is obviously not feeling the pressure to emerge. I'm okay with that...I have to be. In fact, perhaps I'm a bit envious, as it would be nice to be hidden away in a womb somewhere, feeling warm and loved, and just resting.

As for other events of my life, at this stage of the game my focus is solely on having this happy, healthy baby. So there is little to report aside from an occasional cook-out and such.

Basically, without wishing my life away, I want to have the baby and be onto post-pregnancy stuff, like staying up all night, breastfeeding and changing diapers. You know you're at the ragged edge when that stuff sounds good to you, no? Just as the baby is cocooned, so am I...waiting for the day when we can fly together.

Friday, August 10, 2007

August 10

Well, this date has been looming for me ever since I heard that strange morning message heralding the date. Since that time, I have been anxiously awaiting the arrival of my baby and today's doctor's appointment, which turned out to be nothing if not uneventful. In fact, my doctors says it's more likely that the baby will come in September, based on my size, ultrasound, etc. And so I'm thinking, great...the baby will come when the time is right. But what was all the hoopla around August 10?

It's still early here and there have been few things to suggest today will be any more eventful than yesterday or the day before that. I sit here at my computer thinking there is work to do and things to accomplish. And so I wait for something huge...spectacular even, to suggest that the weird voice in my head that said, "on August 10" was something more that the wild imaginings of a pregnant woman.

In the meantime, life goes on, my heart beats and the world continues to spin. Perhaps it is I who should make something happen. What? I'm sure I'm not sure. But I will think about it, and ask those who suggested that something might be in the works to chime in anytime to give me a clue.

I remember thinking not too long ago that the joy of an ordinary day was something to treasure, perhaps that's the message.