It sounds great in books..."be in the moment."
What happens when the last few moments seem better somehow than this particular moment? And if there is no time, just the eternal now, and if all moments are not a stream, but instead exist simultaneously, then why can't I seem to experience the good moments all the time?
Sound a little scattered? It's a reflection of this moment.
I long, linger, fear and rejoice, all at this very moment. Complex...I long for a simple answer. Yes, I spend too much time in my head. But how does one get out of this labyrinth of mind? I'm guessing it has to do with meditation, or long walks in the woods, but I feel like sleep might help. Then there are the dreams. I fight with my pillow and kick off the blanket. I am cold then hot. Resigned to sleeplessness, I light a candle and a cigarette and imagine that I am not alone, but somehow connected with another soul. In candleglow, darkness is kept at bay. I lie against my pillow and feel shared body heat, hot breath on my neck, feel the reverberation of heart in chest against my back.
What is real? What is not? It becomes nebulous and gauzy. I dream.
Until the moment I awaken.