Saturday, October 22, 2005

embracing the unknown

Why is this so hard for me? I just wasn't born under that star. Always in my head, I analyze. I figure it out. I get all the facts together, synthesize them, and choose the course of action that will ensure success.

Yet all around me, the universe speaks of embracing the unknown. It says, "it's okay not to know." But it's not okay, and for me it has never been okay. It is a struggle with my very nature. And while my soul longs to dance at the edge of a cliff, my head is dizzy with the what ifs.

What if you're wrong? What if you get hurt? What if you fail? What if you fall into the mistake-making human race?

I have no answers here. Only questions. And I have no net, only the promise of making a splash in the river below. My body wants to sprint to the very brink, but my feet know better. They proceed cautiously, until my toes tingle, breaching the barrier between the known and the unknown - the soft, safe ground and the cool water below. And in the space in between, so much air, thin and translucent, undefined and indistinct.

On this edge I tremble, but remain unmoving, a statue made of flesh and bone and light and darkness. Blood courses through stone and I am still and alone.

And I think that a single human touch would make all the difference, nudging me over the edge alone, or holding my hand in firm grip, joining me on the journey.

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