Thursday, October 27, 2005

overexposed

I feel like a photograph that's been left in the developer too long - overexposed and not very clear. And I'm trying to start sentences with "I feel."

I feel...tired. Restless sleep. Chaotic deadlines. Responsibilities. They leave me wishing for quiet and a space in which to disappear for awhile.

I feel...impatient. Waiting for answers. Waiting for a sign. Waiting for a promise. Why does it feel so impossible to live "in the moment?"

I feel...uninspired. Museless. Blank sheets of paper glare at me, begging to be filled with words that don't materialize. I scurry like a squirrel, preparing for winter - long and cold.

I feel...alone. Never really lonely, but disconnected. There is no one to reach into my soul and see what's there.

I feel...overexposed. I've reached out, worn my heart on my sleeve, spoken my truth, taken the risk, yet the picture of myself remains fuzzy. Not sure what I see when I look in the mirror.

I feel...unfinished. Writing the next chapter of my life has never been so difficult. If I'm being called to move forward, I need to see the door, and it needs to be open. Wide. With sunshine on the other side, and perhaps a strong hand to pull me over the threshold.

I still have the negative...I can make a new print. One that is clear and vibrant, filled with emotion and passion. And then perhaps, I can leave the dark room behind.

1 comment:

LionessPaw said...

I truly feel "overexposed" myself. I feel as if someone has whispered my very own word to you and you have printed them out... for all to see??? or would anyone realize these words are me??? Yet they are not. You have written them from your own soul- not mine.
How often this {"I feel...alone. Never really lonely, but disconnected. There is no one to reach into my soul and see what's there."}is what is felt... and yet right now I discovered another who feels exactly the same. So how many others are there? and just how alone does that make me?you? I could just sit here and allow myself to weep... different mind pictures, sounds and knowings...but feelings akin. Overexposure brings about a light that wouldn't be seen otherwise! So perhaps if we look at each other and squint...we might see with a tad more clarity???