Friday, January 13, 2006

lessons from bailey

I'm tired of psychobabble. It has recently found a home in my head, and I find myself posing every possible question that could ever be asked about new relationships. Then, after asking all the questions, I list every possible and probable answer. The result is that I end up just where I began. So no more questions please, whoever you are, speaking to me from inside my skull. Stop with the constant what ifs. What if the sky were falling? What if the sea dried up? What if tomorrow my dog got stuck in the chair and couldn't get out?

It happened you know. This evening I went to dinner with a friend. When I got back home, the dog was barking...lodged in a chair too small to accommodate his large body. I'm sure it was scary for him, and I think eventually, he might have used his front legs to push himself back out of the chair and onto the floor. It wouldn't have been easy. But he could have managed. So I help him slide his butt around so his legs could reach the floor. Poor thing. I really think his back legs were asleep from being in the same position for so long. Freed from the soft cushions, he shook his whole body with more energy than I've seen him expend in quite some time. And those back legs were pretty useless for a couple of minutes. He was a little wobbly. Then I produced a leash and mentioned the word "walk." He was all about it. Made his way up the stairs to the front door and waited for me to clip the leash on his collar. We walked out to the street and after a short while he was himself again. After our walk, he was a little reluctant to go back up the steps into the apartment. And I don't blame him. But he trusted me and made the trip, and now he is asleep, under the desk, peaceful and happy.

Which brings me back to the psychobabble. I guess in many ways I am kind of like the dog. When I hopped up into that soft, cushy chair, it seemed like a good idea. But I stayed there way too long, and soon, parts of me were numb, asleep, and I couldn't get out. I needed a little help, and just in time, help arrived. And so I'm walking now. I was a little wobbly at first, but the feeling is coming back to the parts of me that were numb. I feel more energy and enthusiasm then I've felt in a while, and I'm feeling like myself again. I am a little reluctant, in some ways to try the stairs...not sure where they might lead, or the problems I may confront on the way up. But I think, like the dog, I'll trust the hand that has reached out to me and I'll make the trip.

Funny how when you get outside your head and walk the dog...the answers become much clearer. Thanks Bailey...for the lessons in trust and unconditional love.

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