Sunday, January 08, 2006

in the silence

This is a hard time for me. I am somewhere between what was and what will be. And as much as I am trying to enjoy living in the "now" I'm finding it difficult.

The now isn't always great...but it is always. And I know that I can savor it or wish it would pass quickly. The eternal nature of the now is sometimes confounding. Can I sit in the silence and savor another re-run of Gray's Anatomy or smoke another cigarette, or make another list of things to do when I wake up "in the now" of the morning? When there is the expectaion that a future "now" will somehow be more fulfilling than this one, it's hard to appreciate the stars and the sunshine. They just don't seem to shine quite as brightly as I remember them in December's South Dakota sky.

And so I remind myself that this moment is perfect, just as it is. And I savor hope and my overflowing heart. And I know that this "now" will one day be remembered with a smile and a "remember when." That it will flow eternally into a dream realized. The stars I remember will be brighter than ever, and the sun will warm me on a May afternoon.

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