New beginnings, right? That's what this whole celebrating the new year thing is all about. But let me say for the record that I have had way too many new beginnings, and will settle for just firming out the edges of those things that have just begun.
I do feel somehow renewed though, as if I have been given a clean sheet of paper. Even the things that I neglected over the last year don't seem nearly as daunting as the year dawns. I suppose that it's all a part of the package. It does seem to give one the incentive to look back over the last year, recap and regroup.
The last year...ending the old that no longer served me, beginning a new relationship, finding a new house, engagements, new city, new family....whew... perhaps 2007 will let me become adjusted. And though I do feel as if I've been given a new life to create, which is somewhat of a challenge, I feel joyful at the thought of it. That clean sheet of paper can be filled with whatever it is I want to write, draw or color.
It begins I think with planning this wedding - yikes. Lots to do. Signed up at this wedding website and the worst part of it is that it reminds me just how many (few) days are left before the big event. It is funny somehow that I don't feel rushed or stressed. Just as if everything will fall in where and when it's supposed to. I do have lists...lots of them, and one by one they will be checked off. And the day will be beautiful and bright and sunny and perfect. We're manifesting that you know. And if it isn't, well, I suppose that all will be as it should be.
Whatever the case, my relationship will move into a more permanent space, and I will be "attached." Despite my longing for "freedom", the universe has offered me a "do over." And I intend to make the most of it, without giving up the freedom to be myself. I think I've learned many lessons...the biggest...1 + 1 = 2. Seems simple, no? And yet in so many marriages, there are no longer two people, just a sort of mocha blending of lives that leaves little evidence of the people that once occupied the space. Instead, I intend to continue to be French Roast, while Steve can continue to be Mountain Dew. We will not smoke cigarettes from the same pack and though I may make a hot dish or two, I will still love lobster and crab cakes, and will stop for lunch at the Chinese restaurant as I did yesterday.
I am expecting the best of the year...and will take the challenges as well as the blessings, knowing that each will teach me something, about myself, about life, about family, about spirit. And this is good.