Last night I realized that my mind is doing that thing again. My thoughts jump from one to another fearlessly with no net. And I try to think of solutions to 1000 challenges before me. I haven't felt this way in a very long time, and I have to say I don't like it.
Over the last year or so, I coasted. Did what I wanted when I wanted for the most part, not counting the pesky annoyance of work. My responsibilities were only to myself. I did my own laundry when I wanted, ate when I wanted, or didn't eat if that seemed more appropriate at the time. There were no plans. And now I find myself in a sea of them. From moving to wedding plans, there are thousands of little details to be handled, and they're flying around my head like bees in a field of sweet clover. And so I'm trying to remember that the bees come with the clover. This is not always easy.
I've pretty much decided I hate responsibility. Am I alone? Are there other out there who will acknowledge that life is better without them? SLRHs are easier to manage when the handy man fixes every little thing that goes wrong. And living together is almost as good as being married. I sure that those of you who hate responsibility as much as I do would think perhaps that marriage is almost as good as living together. There are just too many details.
I think that I so need to pull out "the jar". In this jar I have placed little slips of paper with my every hope and dream, acknowledging that all my needs are met, if not exceeded, and that the universe will take care of the hows. This has always worked for me. So why didn't I think of this sooner? Just stuff the bees in the jar. Seems simple right? Unfortunately there is a little piece of me that isn't quite trusting the jar right now. What if the bees escape and leave a big stinger right in the middle of my forehead the night before the wedding. The ugly welt will be right there for everyone to see, and just when I'm trying to be the princess. Yes, the welt will go away, but not before everyone points and whispers.
I ask myself why I care at all. The welt will go away...the pain is brief. And there are just soooo many bees. If I'm honest, I know that somewhere along the line I will be stung, and it will hurt, as that is the way bee stings behave. I may as well anticipate this eventuality, suck it up and buy some calamine lotion. It won't be pretty. But in no time at all, at least by June 1st, I will be rolling in the sweet clover, in my new home with the amazing fireplace and the bright sun room. And when twilight falls, I will see the stars in the eyes of my new husband.