Sunday, March 05, 2006

some things just feel right

Some things just feel here in a different house in a city I'm getting to know just feels right.

I find myself in a little old house that needs a lot of care and repair, but it has real potential. Sometimes I feel as if it's a reflection of me. For so long I was just like this house - needing a lot of care and repair. Over the last year I finally broke down and gave into it, nurturing myself and fixing the broken parts. And some days were hard - the task overwhelming. Like cleaning the kitchen in this little house. A dark film covered all the walls and ceiling, but after just a couple of days of attention, some physical labor and a few screws and nails, it's clean and sparkling. I look at it and smile. I saw the potential when I first looked at it - knowing that underneath it all, it had the potential to smile again - just like me.

It's morning here...and the first time since I moved that I felt compelled to think about this move. I keep waiting for the voice in my head to scream, "what the hell was I thinking?". But I don't hear it. Instead my heart says, "this is right." And I am happy. The weather is a little foreign, and the streets unfamiliar. But something about it feels like home. Maybe it's the sidewalks on the tree-lined streets. Maybe it's the weather, which reminds me of Ohio. Maybe it's the people dropping by and bringing coffee or the kids running around the front room. Or maybe it's the way Steve makes me feel secure and protected. Or maybe it's all of that. I barely remember feeling as peaceful about a big life change.

Just last month I wondered how it would all go down. How could I possibly get everything done in time to be here by March 1st? And somehow it happened, and the only thing to do now is to settle in, make some new friends, find a few outside things to do, and take care of me. This I will love. There are no commitments or people pulling me in many directions. There is only what I want to do - where I want to go - what I want to have for dinner.

Of course the dog is having a couple of adjustment issues. He really hasn't figured out that I'm not going to leave him here, but he likes to sleep next to the bed on the floor by me, and when he wakes up I am there, and he sleeps again. The good thing is there have been no mornings where he woke me up really early. I think he's a little tired still - from the move and all. But he has a new little black and white companion named Buddy. Cute and puppyish, he keeps Bailey company when I run out for awhile. They seem to have hit it off nicely. And soon Bailey will know this is home, too. It will just feel right - the space under my desk hasn't changed at all, and it's still a comforting place for him. I did buy him some boots - okay, laugh. I didn't buy them for the cold, but his arthritis is acting up, making it difficult for him not to drag his back feet when he walks. His poor little claws were wearing down to the quick, so the boots protect his feet. If they keep him warm, too, so be it.

So here we are, in a place that feels just right. And I - I feel just right, too. And if this is change, change is good.

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