Sunday, March 26, 2006

sunday morning

Friendships are weird things. Sometimes they serve us - sometimes they make us feel sad. I feel a close friendship slipping away, and I'm not sure that I've done anything to cause it, which leaves me feeling helpless and out of control. I'm sure the problem is that my location has changed, and I have healed, which leaves my friend in a strange position. She was accustomed to "taking care" of me. In fact, we met when I was most needy. Now that I am feeling myself again, and have taken back control of my life, I no longer need to be taken care of. Therefore, her role has changed. In addition, she was diagnosed with a life-threatening illness, and I am unable to be there for her. She expects that I should be, but I can't - or won't, due to my own current life changes.

I am hurt by her tone and her comments, but she doesn't see it. She feels abandoned, and I feel unable to do anything about it.

And what is the lesson in this? That the relationship was never truly balanced? That it served its purpose for the short term, and that it is meant to pass as our lives change? Still working that out. I suppose it will resolve itself in due time.

I have been thinking about how most of my friends are very happy for my happiness, and applaud my courage. And these friends, while they do offer their concerns, also share my joy. And no matter how many miles, or days we spend apart, they remain. It's comforting to know they will be there. And I will be there. Perhaps these friendships are not based on expectations, but on something else. Do these friends share my view of the world and relationships as ever-changing? Do they realize, as I do, that physical presence is not essential? and that caring can continue across miles and time? What makes these friendships work, and others fade away?

I do continue to care, but refuse to put myself into the line of fire. I learned this the long, hard way once. In fact, my friend helped me to learn this. Wonder if she thought it would ever apply to her?

1 comment:

LionSpeaks said...

My friends are all long distance. I have aquaintances where I live. I have no one close enough to spend any time with... not even tea. So for me, friendship is very close in heart... even though very far in distance.
It has benefits. Expectations can only go so far! Communication is at my leisure. The *delete* button is a phenominal creation on my laptop! The downside... no human contact. No time And SPACE shared. No warm hug when in real need. No looking into eyes to see what is hidden upon the silent tongue. No going out for a drink... coffee or otherwise! No walking along the wharf or a forest trail. No sitting on my backyard swing just enjoying the sun and sharing.
I should think this friend of yours is very scared... and she truly wants you to fill a void within her. A void I dare to guess has nothing to do with your present location being a great distance away.
I once heard Charles Stanley speak on tv about 2 kinds of frustrationl. #1 is the kind that you blame everyone around you for all you are feeling. They are responsible for your unhappiness!!! In this frustration you must ask, " What is missing in me?" ( sounds like your friend) The #2 kind is a frustration you can't quite figure out. You are restless and confused and are not sure why.It isn't about anyone. This is when you must ask... " What do I need to know?" Perhaps she is going through some of both.
I have had several experiences of feeling WRETCHED as I felt I had lost or was losing yet another friend. I had serious abandonment issues. She may have put you in the line of fire... but have no mistake. It isn't about you or the life changing decisions you have walked out in faith upon! It is about her... and all that she has not yet faced...and it looks like now... a mirror has lifted to her gaze.
Gently let her know you care... your heart is right where it has always been planted...but you cannot fulfill the void she has... because she has to come into the awareness, acknowledgement, acceptance and fulfillment that is available to all who truly look, ask, see, find and go forth!

Love and strength to shield your heart!
Love Lion~*