Saturday, March 11, 2006

mixed feelings

So I asked the Universe to let me feel again...and I do. Thanks...sort of.

Though I do like this feeling thing, I must say that there seem to be too many feelings running around inside of me today. I'm just not sure which ones to pay the most attention to.

Last night was a little difficult for me. It was Friday night, and I was home alone and not sure what to do with myself. The biggest problem I see right now with this move to a new city is that I have no friends. I could have used an adult beverage and a little intelligent conversation after spending the week with my computer and a couple of dogs who seem to have forgotten where to go potty. But there was no one to call. My new significant other was out doing his thing, which I think is healthy, but I had no "thing" to do. So the first thing I'm feeling is a little friendless.

To my friends who live other places, know that you are loved and treasured, but I sure wish I was close enough to meet you at Starbucks or this wonderful little coffee shop I found here called Black Sheep Coffee.

I am also feeling a little nervous as "his" parents are coming today and my place looks quite unfinished. It's not that I think they'll care, but I do. And wish it were a little more together.

I am also saddened, as my "sister" is going through treatment for breast cancer, and helpless, because I can't do anything to make it better.

I am also joyful because of how I am finding life here in Sioux Falls, but a little fearful that I'll have a hard time finding like minded friends in this "Red State." I'm sure they're out there, but how do I go about finding them. I am also a little pissed off that I moved to the first state in the Union to ban abortion unless the mother's life is in danger. Whew, I thought Texas was "red".

And I'm a little tired...of cleaning and arranging and accumulating boxes of trash. I'm tired of finding the right tool and going to the home improvement store when I'd rather have a pedicure. And I'm tired of spending money on necessities instead of frivolous things.

I haven't found a good card shop yet, and this might be a problem.

And my soon-to-be-ex has decided to be difficult, which makes me angry, but anything but surprised.

Oh, and I forgot the love part...yes, that remains, and it's cool.

So perhaps I will draw little faces in a notebook that represent all these feelings so I can have conversations with them. Since I have no friends, they may come in handy.

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