So it's been awhile. I guess this starting a new life thing has me busier than I expected. And then there's the sharing my space with other living things, including a man, which I promised myself I would never do. Though I still have had very few, "oh shit - what have I done" moments, I wonder how long that can possibly last. I spent so much of my life waiting for the ugly shoe to drop, that I continue to look for the mud.
Tonight is one of those rare occasions where I find myself alone. I am much better with it than the last time it happened. This makes me feel good. I am feeling more secure in my surroundings which is huge. I know that as the end of the month grows nearer, my roommate will become permanent, which gives me a lot to think about. I already keep his puppy, and will soon have his cats to think about. Other critters to share the space of a passionate dog person may muck things up a bit.
I remember thinking that I would only let a man leave a toothbrush and a clean pair of underwear at my house - but it didn't take long to break that rule. I now find myself surrounded by male "stuff." It is pervasive and bold. Products with names like "Red Zone" and "Spiderwire" - a whole new language. But I'm learning to speak it - always was a good student. Tonight we put fishing line on my new "rod" - a thoughtful gift...I think. I might have preferred tulips in another lifetime. But somehow enjoy this new foray into the world of fish and men.
And so I am making space - in closets and dressers and nightstands - for this "stuff". And my stuff isn't quite as organized as I hoped it would be by now. I know I've only been here three weeks and a couple of days, but it feels longer, and I wish I weren't on deadline, as I want to be doing other things.
So am I ready for this - I don't know. I'm just swept along in a current that I'll call love and comfort. I'm enjoying the ride, though like any good rollercoaster, sometimes it makes my stomach lurch.
I want to sleep now, but have work I should do. And it does call my name despite the hour.
Life is good.