Saturday, November 12, 2005

saturday morning

Haven't been here for awhile. My heart is on overload, trying to heal old wounds, and integrating the newly discovered me. And so the tears come, and I try to stay with it. Let them come, and know that it is part of the process. The old me would have run from them. Would have said, find something productive to do. The new me allows for this flood of emotions, lets them pulse through me, shake me to the core, and still come out the other side, peaceful.

Silly me. I thought that perhaps I was over that part of it. And yet in the quiet of the night, alone with my back against a white wall, I pray to be healed, and feel the heat in my chest and my eyes overflow yet again. The child in me reaches for love and acceptance, for the affirmation that she is worthy of all that is good. That she is worthy of love. That she is beautiful and creative and a vital piece of the universe. And it is her chest that heaves with great sobs and I embrace her gentle spirit, soothe her soul, wipe away her tears and offer my love. I tell her that it's okay to be who she is, to say what she feels - and that's a big one. And that it's all okay now. And it will always be okay. And that it was always okay. She looks at me, her eyes still teary, and she nods and knows from deep inside, that I am right.

We crawl into bed and dream great dreams of laughter and discovery. She is my mirror, and I am hers. I see my own reflection in her eyes, and I am smiling.

No comments: