Wednesday, April 25, 2007

It's Wednesday again - and I'm on deadline. It's that "hurry up and wait" feeling that has taken hold, at least for this week.

Skies are overcast, and my mood is difficult to lift. But I know that this too shall pass. In the meantime, I'm trying to be productive.

The baby is indeed growing, and I've had my very first tummy pat from someone I just met. I did know that was coming, but it's a little strange. I thought it would really bother me, but it didn't. In some ways it's an affirmation that this is really happening, and soon, my stomach will be a billboard, connecting me with those who have gone before.

My goddess energy has dwindled...yes, I know, motherhood is the ultimate in creativity. I mean creating life and all of that, but in the meantime I'm having trouble feeling it. Is this weird, or normal? And what is normal? My life lately has been anything but. So many changes and so much to do that is out of the ordinary. But I'm adapting, and trying to reinsert myself into old good habits like writing and meditation. The yoga helps, but the pets seem to divert my energy at every turn. I'm chanting "ohm" and they're running around like tiny banshees barking at the mailman. Peace, right? So today they will have to spend outside while I twist and turn my body - gently- into poses that are perfectly modified for those "with child".

I am getting excited for the big family get-together that will be my wedding. It will be a chance for Steve's family to mingle with mine and everyone to happily commune over our good fortune at finding love and having a child. Miss my kids, miss my sisters, miss my mom and dad, miss Emma. So their faces will be a welcome sight. The wedding is only a month away - yikes - and I still have lots of little things to do. I'm down to making real choices, and not sweating the small stuff. Not really so difficult when I set my mind to it.

Some days I wonder just how this will all pan out, and long for October, or November, when one Saturday morning I will wake up and find that there is no big event to plan, and there are no preparations to make. I will hear the baby wake up, pour myself a cup of coffee and have a really lovely day. It's not that I'm not looking forward to all the stuff that will occur over the next few months. It's just that I'm sure there will be peace in the normalcy of life, and the everyday miracles are everywhere.

3 comments:

GEWELS said...

Um, Melissa, I hate to break it to you -but you will never have another normal peaceful day again (not for awhile anyway).
I say that with a smile and a laugh as I remember my early motherhood days.
Peace is highly overrated anyway!
Enjoy every crazy exhausting minute of this. Because someday it'll be too quiet.

Anonymous said...

My goddess energy has dwindled...yes, I know, motherhood is the ultimate in creativity. I mean creating life and all of that, but in the meantime I'm having trouble feeling it. Is this weird, or normal? And what is normal?

~~~~~~~~~~~
goddess energy... I am still awaiting it's arrival let alone it's return! LOL (wink) Life is constantly ebb and flow. You have so much change so quickly... no wonder you are trying to find feet out of fins... or is it fins out of feet???


Be gentle with yourself as you have much to plan and work to do. Keep the family wedding simple and joyful and not heavy. I hope it all pulls together sweetly and you enjoy the gathering very much!

So ultrasound said boy did it? Well one thing for sure... time will indeed tell ALL!

Take care and may you feel * rejuvenated soon!

Love Lion~*

GEWELS said...

Melissa!!

I know the big day is right around the corner. I wanted to send you lots of well wishes and huge hugs. I'm sure it will be fabulous.
Hope all is well with the bambino!!

Congrats!! and have fun.
Gewels