Wednesday, February 25, 2009

a do-over

Those of you who know me know that over the last few years I have been granted a "do-over." How many times have you thought to yourself, "I wish I could have a do over." And so I am the lucky one. At least for the most part. What I've learned is that a do-over can be a really great thing. Do-overs allow for mistake correction and the ability to create an "unacceptable list" for your new life.

My do-over is immensely rewarding in many ways, not least of which is my adorable son, who may never have had an opportunity to live here on earth if not for my do-over. I am reconnecting with the snow, which I've loved and lost and love again. I have found my voice again, and I'm able to speak my truth without fear. And I have a really great man in my life who loves me true. He gets it.
On the other hand, there are unforseen risks of which you should be aware. A new start means leaving things behind. For instance, in a charming show of love, I made homemade noodles and chicken soup for my family, but realized my tried and true rolling pin was no longer in my possession. Floating around Houston no doubt, and never used. Owning a rolling pin was never on the unacceptable list (which includes things such as ridiculous arguements, unfounded anger and walking on eggshells), yet it seems to have been left behind. Financial independence, left behind. Regular pedicures, left behind. Writing group, left behind. A sister within driving distance, left behind. I am left wondering if things like rolling pins and writing groups are necessities or if they are simply encumbering and freedom snatching. Mostly I think that these missing little joys can be replaced - but it's not as easy as you may think.
Life is again an adventure. Things that had become rote are no longer routine and every day is new. Just when I thought I knew how to live this life most efficiently and effectively, I am back at the beginning of establishing ground rules, understanding a new family, finding my way here, making new friends and figuring out my place in this world. And the only way to begin is to begin...with a new rolling pin, I think.

1 comment:

GEWELS said...

MELISSA!!! How nice to see you again. I could not wait for a current picture of your little sandman.
So glad to hear that all is well and your life is better than ever. You deserve it.
Don't be such a stranger either. I know how it is with posting though. I didn't post for almost 4 months either this winter.