Friday, April 28, 2006

friday morning

I have an entire day before me, and other than listening to a new Sarah Evans CD I bought yesterday, I'm not at all sure what I'm going to do with it. I had planned a day playing in the dirt, planting a few things, cleaning up winter, and running with Buddy while Bailey watches from a comfortable spot in the warm grass, but the weather may not stand for it. It rained lots last night, and today looks gray, so I'm looking for alternatives.

There is some work to do...back up old files, call a new client. Should take all of an hour. I is definitely a day to be inside. I have the nagging feeling that the day calls for me to face the page. This is something I haven't done much of since I moved. It nags at me, but I ignore the voice, saying there is too much on my mind, or that I can't get focused. And all of that is true, but it's because I won't let myself. Hard to get back to that place.

Sometimes I feel as if it's easier to write when I'm not happy. When the emotions of fear and sadness take over. Those feelings are deep and easier to write about...the page becomes a place to let it all out. But the joy...I feel no need to release it. And it is impossible to describe in words. In fact, they seem to get in the way.

Natalie Goldberg would say...just be present on the perhaps I'll pick something to write about like red tennis shoes or hot tea or violets popping up in the grass, and see what happens.

Wondering what my friends are doing. They are scattered about, and I do miss them. And on a day like today, if I were back in Houston, I'm sure one of them might have some time to get a coffee and play for awhile. If I lived in BC, Lion might join me for a hot tea, and if I were in Denver, Mary Ann and I would have an iced tea with a shot of vodka. But I am here, and they are there, so I am left to my own company, and that of a few furry critters.

I suppose it's time to find a life outside the walls of my little rent house, time to expand my circle of acquaintances from Steve, the dogs, his family, and Bud the carpet cleaner to other interesting people who live close by, like coffee, read books, and enjoy conversation. But I'm just not sure how to get there. What I know is that if I don't go won't happen.

So perhaps today, I will visit the library - I know where it is, and I will go to Black Sheep Coffee with a notebook. And maybe I'll find someone else who is doing the same. And maybe I will like him/her. And maybe on the next rainy day, we'll have a cup of tea.

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