Wednesday morning...the air is cooler now as autumn is virtually here. Breathing is easier, and the sun not nearly so hot as it's been. Darkness comes earlier, though the moon is often still in the sky when I wake. And it's September.
I am ready for the coming winter, to nest here, surrounded by snow. While the summers aren't nearly as long or uncomfortable as they were in Houston, it feels right somehow for it to end and become something different, cooler, more colorful. The plants I think are ready, too. The hibiscus have bloomed faithfully all summer long, and the impatience wilt in the afternoon sun, only to raise their bright orange faces again as the dew sits on their leaves. They need a rest and will have one soon.
This winter will be quite different I think, as the coming of the baby can't be far away. The doctor continues to reassure me that this process will end, labor will begin soon, and that all is well. In the meantime, I continue to try to maintain peace and to enjoy the tiny movements that make my tummy swell and swish. I surrender to the life force within, which tells me that timing is divine, and though we humans do like to feel as if we can control the universe, it simply isn't so where the natural world is concerned. The summer ends, the fall begins, and babies come when they are ready. Until that time, the body is a vessel for growth, warmth and development. It is simply not all mine anymore.
And I think that I would like it if my home is the same...peaceful...a place where we all grow, feel warm and develop. A place we share for a time with those we love, and a place where we let nature lead the way, where we can let go of the control for awhile, and just be the people that we are and that we are becoming. The rest of the world can rush and fret, thinking that every little choice and option really makes a difference. As for my little family, I think that we will try to surrender a little, and know that all that control is simply an illusion.
And so, sweet child, come when you will. I will be waiting for you as I have waited for the cooler nights and the changing of the leaves. They have arrived, as you will soon.
